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Tipping: You Have to Pay to Play |
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Written by Brian Joyner
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 I say this with the utmost sincerity and kindness–you don't tip well. I know that it's not malicious, but it's still true. You're not alone; many folks don't tip. Why do guys get bent out of shape about "paying extra" for a service they already paid for? Because they don't know what the tip covers. You feel like you're being scammed. I hear you, but that's life in the big city and since none of us have personal servants to take care of much of that stuff requiring a gratuity, we have to tip. I equate tipping to kissing: if you do it well, it'll yield all sorts of unexpected benefits. Done poorly and you'll get what you get, and nothing more. We at Be Better Guys don't want you to be the guy wondering how he gets his car from the valet first; we want to you be the guy who's car is waiting for him. There are guidelines to tipping, which are offered below. But first we have to identify what we're talking about by "tipping."Tipping, in brief
Simply put, tipping is a gratuity you give for a service you receive. It's a little "thank you" paid on top of the cost of service. To warrant giving a respectable tip, you should get what you ask for in a timely fashion, without derivation or with an acceptable explanation as to why not. You have the right to adjust your tip (or not tip) when service isn't up to par, like if the barber shaves off all your hair when you asked for a trim. But when you get good service, it's time to pony up. For instance, once when I was bartending, this dude came in and ordered himself a shot of Patron tequila and a rum and coke for his date. Before I could turn to make the drinks, he started asking me to show him "love" and give him a really generous pour. His argument was that if I showed him love, he'd show me love (in the tip). I told him that while I was making sure he got what he paid for, the love he was going to show me was purely speculative at that point. Sure enough, even after serving him and his date dinner at the bar and buying dude a shot later, he didn't even cover a 15% tip.
So, who gets tipped and how much? Well, let's start with those who live off of what they earn in tips, like waiters and bartenders. Most earn less than minimum wage, so your generosity directly impacts their well being. The industry-standard for tipping has been 15% for years, but is creeping toward 18%. You tip the waiter or bartender and they tip the busboys and bar backs -- everyone gets taken care of. If you're at the bar, figure a buck a drink, unless you're having more expensive stuff like single-malt scotches, Choco-Passion Mango Martinis, or some other crap, aim for the 15% mark. The Maitre d gets $5 or so for handling your table. However, the host staff doesn't get tipped unless they do something specific for you, like hail a cab in the rain or run out to buy your girlfriend cigarettes, then you should give them a few dollars for their trouble.
If you order in from a restaurant, the delivery person gets tipped about 15%. Don't complain! The guy's in a Yugo with curried lentils and falafel up the kazoo, trying to drive and read a map, at considerable risk to himself and to the public at-large, all to ensure your Chicken Vindaloo makes it to you hot while you sit on the sofa in your pajamas, so a few dollars for the effort is the least you can do.
With grooming services, tipping appropriately is like "voluntary workout programs" for pro sports teams; it isn't mandatory, but good luck maintaining a good relationship without doing it. The barber/stylist/manicurist loves talking to you about the ex, Jessica Alba, the Gnarls Barkley album, and the general state of the world, but a verbal tip will not suffice. Always hook up your barber/hair stylist. That way when you need it, he can find 15 minutes in between clients to squeeze you in. The shampoo assistant gets a tip, also. Pretty much anyone who touches your body to help with your general well being should get a tip, except for your wife/girlfriend/significant other.
If you travel a great deal, then you know how many people are involved in making your trip comfortable. The concierge can make your visit to Des Moines more tolerable with tickets to shows or suggestions as to where to have a good time. She can also take care of overnight parcels, mail, and other small business items. Tipping people like the sky caps, concierge, or housekeeping may not have crossed your mind. But for carrying your luggage, arranging tickets to "The Producers," and Heaven help them, changing out your sheets, they should get a small thank you.
Let's not forget those who cut your grass, sort your mail, and clean your clothes, you should give them an annual tip, usually around the holidays. They do things that we either don't have the time, ability, or inclination to take on ourselves. The tip can be cash or some sort of gift, depending on your relationship with them, but the things they handle are critical to your day-to-day existence. Think not? Keep in mind that mail carriers get us our mail through rain, sleet, or dead of night for 40 cents a letter. Furthermore, the dry cleaners, laundry service, and housecleaning service deal with the gnarly aspects of your life. They do your laundry and clean your place. You owe 'em a tip.
Show Love to Get LoveEverybody knows that if you tip well, your drinks come faster, the valet has your car at the top of the ramp at the same time everyday for you, and hey! the dancers may even throw in an extra lap dance if you're taking care of them regularly. David and Brian's motto is tip early and often, because the benefits don't come until you start spreading the love. And when you get hooked up, you have to respect the hookup. If you get a free round from the bar or the hotel concierge gives you passes to a club, acknowledge it with a few dollars. Let her know that you appreciate it. You have to take care of the people who take care of you. It gets back to the adage, "Money talks, bullshit walks."
That being said, you should never reward bad behavior (or service). I used to go to a place and got one of two bartenders every time: either a petite brunette with a cute smile and a mini-skirt or a tall drink of water with braids wearing a cat suit and cinched white blouse. The brunette always remembered what I drank–Maker's Mark, neat with a glass of water–and I never had to ask twice. I always took care of her. The long, tall, cool one, well we never got on the same page. She constantly gave me the wrong drink–a Martini or Cape Cod, not bourbon. I'd ask her to switch it, she got frustrated. After a while, so did I and I let my tip reflect that frustration. But before you pull up short on a tip, make sure there wasn't a misunderstanding or honest mistake. Slow food from the kitchen may not be the server's fault; neither is your misreading the menu. If you have a problem, speak to the person first and then a manager, if necessary. A little conversation and understanding can go a long way.
Tipping Tip Sheet | Food Service, Wait staff | 15-20% of total bill | | Bartender | $1/drink, or 15% of total bill | | Maitreëd | $5-$10 | | Wine steward/ Sommelier | 10% of the cost of the wine recommended | | Barber, Hair stylist, Masseuse, | 20% of total bill | | Aesthetician, Manicurist/Pedicurist, Shoe shine | 15-20% of total bill | | Taxicab driver | 10% of fare | | Shampoo Assistant | $2-$5 | | Hotel housekeeping | 10% of total per night room cost | | Bellman/Sky cap | $1 per piece of luggage | | Concierge | $10-$20, depending on the service performed | | Car Valet | $2-$5 for bringing your car | | Doorman, Mailman, Front Desk Staff, Building Supervisor, Garbage Collection, Newspaper Delivery | $10- $100 each year, depending on your relationship |
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Good Stuff for Better Guys |
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 We know you’re not wearing a Speedo, Studley Hungwell. And those snug shorts the fashion mags are pushing don’t work for most guys’ bodies. Check out long board shorts in floral prints, solids or stripes. They’re comfortable and give you the room a Speedo can’t. At JCrew www.Jcrew.com and www.Overstock.com
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