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Developing Charm as a Part of Your Arsenal |
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I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but
nice clothes, good hair, and a regular workout routine can only take
you so far. It’s sad, but it’s true. At some point, you’ll have to be
able to get people to buy into you based on something other than how
you look. This is where the art of charm comes in. In the midst of a
presidential election year, the issue is thick in the air. The ability
to connect, to sway and convince, to get people to like you in a matter
of moments – being charming on demand isn’t as easy as it looks on TV.
Some people seem to be born with it (Bill Clinton comes to mind), some
have developed it (Will Smith, George Clooney), and some could use it (Vladimir Putin,
Tom Cruise). But Be Better Guys is here to tell you that Yes! Yes you
can become charming!
This whole idea of being a charming devil is becoming
lost in an age of douchebags, smug assholes, and insincere jerks. Not
that these guys haven’t always been around ( Idi Amin, Ty Cobb, Eddie
Haskell), but it seems the guys who’ve learned the art of charm and
what it can do for you are few and far between. Being charming is like
a social currency: having it and using it has great benefits,
both professionally and socially. One of James Bond's greatest assets
is that he can be charming, if an elbow to the jaw didn't work.
Why?
The ability to have people like you, without coming across
as insincere, is a nice skill to have. The little things, like being
able to hold a conversation, making eye contact, being observant, being
polite, having good manners all go into the art of being charming.
Every guy wants to get ahead. Every guy wants to be an impact player.
Developing charm helps guys to stand out. It greases the skids to allow
you to slide into convesations or situations. People will want to
engage with you, have you over for drinks, possibly date their
daugthers. In short, being charming
- Can help get you perks (better seating, upgrades in service at no additional cost)
- Helps you control situations to your advantage. If people like you,
they are more willing to accept your advice or suggestions, like "let’s
move you to a suite."
- Can help to diffuse difficult situations and is usually more effective that a tough guy.
- Umm, because women like charming guys?
How?
Being charming can raise your profile in a crowded room. It can
even become the tie breaker when interviewing for a job. Being charming
can’t make you taller or change the fact that you ride is broken down,
but can reduce how much some of that stuff means -- well, maybe not the
ride. . . .
Since it is a skill, charm is something someone can learn and develop,
assuming its worth the person’s while. Charm's about the other person as much as it's about you. Don’t make it about wowing the
person, make it about enjoying their company, as tough as that may be
at times.
- Be engaging. You want to be genuine, be in the moment. Allow a rapport to develop by showing a bit of yourself -- no, not that way.
- Make small talk. Be able to chat with people about what’s happening
in the news or around town. This also means allowing them to talk and
listening to what they say.
- Recall one thing about the person you're talking with and return to
it in the conversation. People appreciate that you remembered.
- Smile more. No one wants to talk to a grump or Dick Cheney. Smiling invites people to talk with and engage with you.
- Body language will give you away, so don’t cross your arms or have
your hands in your pockets. Keep your hands out and your head up.
- Make direct eye contact. The eyes are the windows to the soul, so
they say. Really, it gives you an open appearance. People trust guys
that can look them in the eye.
- Be gracious. Be complimentary (That's a nice dress, the color is
lovely) without being a brown-nose (You're more beautiful than Paula
Patton with a stack of $100 bills) and remember your manners (hey, nice
rack!).
- Finally, make a good last impression. Wrap up you interaction with
a thank you, mention of something else about, and possibly a note of
thanks a few days later.
An unofficial poll of women indicated that charm goes
further than good looks. Now, it was an informal poll and results may
vary from person to person, but charm isn’t just a suave and debonair
thing. Barak Obama was cited by a few of those polled and let’s face
it, he’s a bit of a geek – a very intelligent geek with mad
ball-handling skills and a penchant for public oration, but a geek all
the same. But, he exudes charm, and some might say charisma. And in all seriousness, there's a good chance that anyone holding high public office -- John McCain, Joe Biden, and Sarah Palin included -- understands the benefits and tries to cultivate that skill.
So to all the young dudes, looking for another thing to set you a part from the crowd -- be charming.
This article was edited September 8, 2008, 9:37 am.
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Good Stuff for Better Guys |
 On those days when the mercury's rising but you still need to wear a
suit, go with a cotton or cotton-blend poplin suit. It stays
neater than linen and is cooler than wool. The classic tan or
recent-favorite stone can carry you a long way, either for work or a
weekend event. Haspel poplin suits available at Filene's Basement or other men's stores. |
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