Since the beginning of time, or at least since Dick Clark was first employed, the million-dollar question guys have always asked regarding dating is “What works with attracting women?” The short answer is “it depends on the woman,” because there is no magic potion that we’ve ever found that brings women to their knees. Except maybe tequila.  

The caveat to “it depends on the woman” is that it also depends on you. See, the toughest part of dating is that you have to evaluate women on the fly, and they do the same with you – that’s what dating is. Many times, those on-the-fly evaluations aren’t anything like what you or she is really like. Just ask our wives, who ask every day, “Where’s the guy I married?!” (Short answer – “He’s in the other room right now up to his shorts in poop, changing your daughter’s diaper…now get me a washcloth and stop talking to yourself!!”)  Anyone who’s been in a relationship for more than, say, three dates, knows that the real her doesn’t always resemble the “date” her.  So how does a guy ace the on-the-fly? 

Look at it another way. The NFL holds a combine every year where athletes get judged on skills related to football excellence. The conditions are perfect for players to excel but don’t really resemble “actual game conditions.” A date, like a live game, is actual game conditions, and unlike NFL teams who’ve invested heavily in players and hate to admit mistakes, you can be put on waivers after one evening of fumbles and dropped passes.

Assess Yourself

We have found that one of the keys to successful dating is being able to take a good look at yourself and see what could use improvement. When you watch how effortlessly a Tiger Woods or a Dwyane Wade does his thing, you have to wonder “how did they become so good?”  The answer - because, though they are aware of their strenghts, they choos to focus on the weaknesses in their games and work to improve them.

Success in dating is pretty similar - you have to be honest with yourself about what’s not working for you and focus on making those things better. Some of the factors are external, such as your body shape, your personal sytle, or your knee-buckling kitten breath. Others, like developing self-confidence and conversational ease, or recognizing when you’re boring the woman to tears (a telltale sign is if you’re talking and she’s jabbing herself in the eye repeatedly with the salad fork) are psychological and may require some behavioral tweaks and attitude adjustments. The biggest thing is admitting you may have weaknesses in your game and taking real action to fix them to the best of your abilities.

• Look in the mirror. Do you need to lose weight? Have you changed your hairstyle since the Clinton administration? Have your clothes been out of style so long that every night is “throwback” night at your place? All these things will impact how you’re evaluated and perceived come game time. Actively working to improve your outward appearance enhances your confidence, projects a more winning attitude, and increases your success rate. Oh, and guess what?  You want her to look good when you meet her out, right?  She wants you to look good, too. 
• Ask for help. Even though you're a guy, it's ok to ask the store clerk for help and guidance when buying clothes or your barber/stylist about style tips (we won't tell). That’s what they live for. Asking doesn’t make you less of a man, brother, it means you want to step up to the next level. And by the way, if the person who cuts your hair doesn’t have a suggestion for a more current look for your head, get a new stylist. Also, it's perfectly ok to talk to your sister, a female co-worker, or a woman friend for a quick assessment and suggestions for improvement. Nothing wrong with going right to the source when trying to up your game. Your mom?  Sure, but don’t be surprised if you come out looking just like your dad.  
  
• Be well-rounded. OK, so Ben Wallace has made a very nice career for himself by only being able to rebound and defend, but you are no Ben Wallace. Monotonous conversations about the varied economies in Lower Stanstanistan won’t endear you to her. Knowing a bit about current books, film, music, and world events gives you a versatile game and drives livelier conversation. Magazines (and we’re not talking Golf Digest) are quick ways to keep current and fill out your knowledge so that you fly over those painful lulls in conversation. GQ, Esquire, Newsweek, Entertainment Weekly all cover a broad range of topics and are easy reads.
• Play to your strengths. A little chubby, but you tell some great stories?  So is Jack Black, and he’s doing ok for himself. Sort of a shy guy but you’ve traveled to some really interesting places? Think back to some of your most interesting adventures and drive the conversation there. The bottom line is, know your strength and steer the conversation in that direction. Don't try to be someone you're not because anyone can smell a fraud. Shaquille O’Neal doesn’t shoot 20-footers because he can’t. But that doesn’t stop him from being a dominant floor presence. He plays to his strenghts and on a date, so should you. 
  
• Are you reaching for balls outside of your strike zone? One of the more maddening activities for lots of guys is pursuing a woman that you know full-well is out of your league. We have both driven ourselves just about mad going after women that had no intention of really giving us the time of day. The energy and effort you’re expending on missed connections can make you anxious and wreck your confidence if you do it enough times. Be real, be honest, and go after realistic opportunities. Can’t hit a fastball for a damn but you can tattoo a hanging breaking ball? Then don't swing at the fast ball and wait for your pitch. Being honest with yourself about whom to pursue increases your average and with it, your confidence. Confidence is contagious.