 For most of us, funerals are solemn occasions. People speak with hushed voices and in somber tones. There’s a lot of low singing and flower bringing, to quote Biggie Smalls. You’re there to pay your final respects to the deceased and to the family. It’s not the time to show how funky you can get with your suit and tie combination or display your newest pair of alligator kicks. If ever there is a time Be Better Guys argues for being low-key and tasteful in your presentation, now is that time. Funeral attire should be as understated as you can muster, without being, well, dead.
The norm once was everyone wore black to a funeral. Now, black is pretty much reserved for family members, although it is still certainly appropriate to wear. The following are some of our tips on what to wear to a funeral or a wake:
- Unless the deceased or his family has specifically stated otherwise, you should wear a conservative dark suit in blue or grey. Muted plaids or checks are fine, also. Wear a white or light colored shirt and dark, subtle patterned or solid color tie.
- In short, dress like you’re going to a business meeting, then take it down a notch. That means no monochrome shirt and tie combinations, Paulie Walnuts.
- It is appropriate to wear sunglasses for the outdoor portion of the ceremony, but not inside. You’re not Tony LaRussa. It's really ok if people see you cry, no-one will think you're a wuss. If you cry when the Cowboys lose, then you're a wuss.
- Make sure all jewelry, such as watches and cufflinks, is discreet. If you have a dressier watch with a black leather band, now would be a good time to break it out. Simple metal studs (silver, gold, platinum) or silk knots will work for your cuff links. If you wear an earring, you might want to take it out. If you’re asking “why?” the reason is that this is considered a formal occasion, not Jay-Z’s birthday party at 40-40. It's not bling time.
- Carry an extra cotton handkerchief in the inside breast pocket of your suit jacket. Guaranteed, someone will need it.
- One more thing – turn your cell phone off during the ceremony or you might find it getting buried by a pallbearer should someone call you during the service .
When not to follow our advice: The truth is that funerals are for the living, but sometimes the deceased has made specific requests. Like the funeral Brian recently attended in which the deceased asked that no one wear black or dark colors or anything to indicate mourning. So, the guy’s sisters wore floral summer dresses and sandals, little girls wore their Sunday-best pink dresses. The guys still wore suits, but most wore poplin suits in khaki, pale grey or lighter blue suits – like it was a celebration. It looked more like brunch than a funeral, but that’s what the dead guy wanted, and it’s always good to honor the requests of the deceased. People of other cultures may have different traditions, so confirm with the family if you have any questions. Also, if the deceased or his family specifically requests no somber clothing, then chuck what we told you and go with the flow. But the advice above will hold you in good stead for this most solemn occasion.
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