Lingerie is one of those gifts that come up as a “must-get” buy, guys, except that most guys have no idea how or what to buy. The average guy’s first experience with lingerie comes through porn movies or bad 80’s videos, sadly. Much of that is what I like to call “stunt lingerie,” full corset, panties (crotch optional), garters, and opaque hose (with heels, of course), in colors like lilac, fuchsia or some color not occurring in nature, or maybe some chain mail and leather teddies. Think Vanity 6, with bustiers battling for screen time. Half of us don’t know the right sizing, leading to too tight bras or too loose thongs. It is really bad.  It leads to a wave of returns or items “lost” in the back of closets or drawers. Yet, lingerie is one of those things many women want in the arsenal. They want to feel sexy and lingerie can help make that happen. And if you, my man, can get her something that’s sexy and that she likes, then you have a great gift, one that keeps on giving.

With that in mind, Be Better Guys talked with Valerie Lucas, owner and founder of Coup de Foudre Lingerie, a European lingerie boutique in Washington, DC, so as to provide guys with a primer on how to choose and purchase lingerie for their significant others. Her personal favorite is “An elegant and classy French red lingerie set.” The devil is in the details, so we asked some questions on everything from size and color, to what appeals to women and men about lingerie.

Sixty percent of her business at Valentine’s Day is from men and 10% those gifts are returned, Valerie estimates. She pointed out that “Women will often exchange the item for a different size, style, or color, or they will exchange the gift for a more practical item.”

Valerie said that women take the whole wrong-size thing personally. So be smart and check the size on the tags of her underwear before you buy. Valerie says check several tags, since your lady might be holding on to some older pieces, and sizes vary from brand to brand. You could just ask your woman for sizes in lingerie, shoes, rings, etc., and be covered. She’ll be thrilled you want to shop for her.

Buying stripper-wear or a baby-doll nightie for your girlfriend or wife usually ends badly. Chances are that “special occasion” lingerie is something she’ll want to get herself. “A woman may not wear a bustier or baby-doll every night, but she might want to surprise him once in a while with something out of the ordinary,” said Valerie.

Valerie would prefer that a novice get a gift certificate, schedule a bra fitting, and let the woman make her own choice, but “if you must buy her an item, a black lacy lingerie set (bra and panty) is always a good bet. This item is timeless, sophisticated, and practical!” I’m a fan of the camisole and panties set, an equally practical option.

“If you absolutely can't determine her size,” Valerie says, “then get her a nice chemise to sleep in. A chemise is a safe purchase, because you shouldn't miss on whether she is a small, medium, or large. Also, be sure to make your purchase at a lingerie store that offers gift wrapping. Your purchase will get a much better reception if it’s delivered in a pretty package with silky ribbons.”

During the Valentine’s Day season, Valerie acknowledges that they sell more sexy options than practical ones. Hence, black garters and black stockings are the favorites among men. “Men always react positively to that item!”

Choose the lingerie by working with what she has.

Thongs, bikinis, or boyshorts? Demitasse, full cup, or push-up bras? According to Valerie: “Before making the purchase, first take a look at her underwear drawer to see what she wears. If she does not wear thongs, do not get her a thong. Boyshorts are very much in and leave something to the imagination. In any event, if you are not sure, we typically recommend buying two pairs of panties for every bra. Also, most women will wear a boyshort, bikini, or thong underneath different types of clothing. So these are usually safe purchases, and having different types of underwear allows her to change it up!”

Allow your woman’s wardrobe to determine the color range, too. News flash! If she only wears white and khaki, red lingerie might be a bad idea. There’s nothing wrong with color, but pick something that works with her wardrobe. This requires a bit of investigation and some observation.