Cliff wants his 19-year old son to up his game and improve his appearance. Then, again, he's 19! He asks BBG if there's something we can suggest.

Q:  I have a great kid, age 19 and a college freshman. He can be very handsome, but generally doesn't seem to care much about his appearance. He rarely combs/brushes his hair, only shaves once in awhile and insists on wearing non-fitting clothes. Because he has always been pretty popular, he hasn't felt the need to take his appearance more seriously. It used to be a big bone of contention between us but I am now leaving him alone in hopes that he will figure out on his own that all the tips I have tried to give him, many of which you have on your site, really will help him succeed.

My question is, other than send him a link to your site (which I did), is his maturity in this area something I just need to wait on or do you have any idea how to get him to see the light? He really thinks its just me who notices stuff and apparently has not yet met a girl with enough moxy to tell him to shape up.

A:  Cliff,

Thanks for your note. We appreciate that you have been talking with your son about this for a while. He's 19 and there's been nothing to reinforce the wisdom of your teachings as yet, but it's coming. He probably looks like most of his friends and the celebrities they try to emulate. Also, 19 year-old girls aren't as interested in a sharp dress guy, yet. . . that comes when they get older. 

David and I speak of men having an "a-ha" moment, which leads them to recognize the benefit of the sorts of things we (and I include you in this) are talking about. Mine came in stages: remembering my brother calling me out on my wardrobe as a teenager, just before I went out for a job interview as an adult; an ex-girlfriend marveling at my good manners, which I'd just dusted off after years of having disregarded what my mom had drilled into me as a kid; producing a handkerchief for a friend at a funeral because my father made sure I left the house each day with one. Your son hasn't had his "a-ha" moment yet.

You'll probably have to let him come to this on his own, but don't stop talking about it. And don't think he's not listening. 

Keep us abreast as to how this turns out.