Be Better Guys

We got an email from Tommy, who has been invited to a Halloween party and, yes, it’s adults and it’s costume-mandatory.  Tommy’s single but doesn’t want to dress up; he thinks at 34 that he’s outgrown it.  Is he right?

The Guys: You know, Tommy, I always hated dressing up for Halloween even when I was a kid.  And my own kids don’t get into the wig/make-up thing either; they like it simple.  And if you have to dress up for the party, I say go simple like my kids, without going way overboard and making yourself into down-to-the-hair-precise Chewbacca – which can creep people out.  See, you do kind of have to get dressed up in some kind of outfit or you’ll look like a doorknob when you walk in and everyone’s gonna wonder why you have to kill the joy.  So go to the party, dress up, but dress up in something that actually will look cool.

Dressing up like Angus Young? Always a Halloween winner!

Going as a rock star works.  But not your generic image of a rock star, like what they do on Teen Disney.  I mean dress like an icon – Angus Young, Alice Cooper, Jimmy Page, the keyboardist in Jimi Hendrix and the Experience (if he had had a keyboardist).  There are good ones to do and not so good ones.  Billy Idol?  Good.  Michael Jackson?  Overdone and not good.  Kanye West?  Of course!  Stevie Wonder?  Been done a million times, not good.  Any guy in Kiss?  You know, sure.  It still works, though it goes against my “don’t overdo the makeup” mantra, but I’ll give you a pass on this one.  Here’s an easy one:  Iggy Pop.  Don’t wash your hair, don’t wear a shirt, pull your jeans down low and smear peanut butter on your chest!

You could go as someone that’s current in culture right now – put on a suit and tie, slick back your hair, grab some REAL $1,000 bills and go as Gordon Gekko from “Wall Street”.  Just don’t get blitzed or I’ll mug you.   Could be kind of funny to put on a Favre jersey and walk around with photos of yourself in your skivvies to hand out…poor taste?  Yes.  But funny?  Yes.

The key is, like me, you don’t want to look like a putz.  I just have a fundamental problem with looking like a putz.  So don’t go as a Jersey Shore goombah, a Tea Partier or any male member of the Palin clan – guarantee you some other schlong at the party will have beaten you to it.  See, when you’re over 40, and you’re 34, it seems just stupid to have to dress up.  But face it – you’re going to a party where every woman there who has a semi-decent body will dress like Gaga or Katy Perry and show herself off to you.  Not dressing up means she’ll look at you and, well, abuse you for being a stiffy.  So go as someone kind of cool, don’t overdo the make-up and face-paint and she’ll talk to you.

I got it!  Go as Russell Brand and you would be perfectly appropriate going up to the “Katy” at the party and say, “Let’s split this joint and shag back at my pad, eh?”

Or not.