Be Better Guys

So there you are, talking with a customer or a date, and you’re going on and on about whatever it is you’re talking about and making no note whatsoever that the person with whom you’re talking has his or her arms folded, is hunched over, is not making eye contact, and is generally fidgety.  You just keep on plowing ahead with your presentation or regaling her with stories of hijacking a busload of sorority girls (oh, right, that was me).

Stop.  You can’t establish a quality connection with someone if you don’t know how to read what they’re saying.  People can telegraph their thoughts and intentions only if you know how to interpret the message they’re sending.  In another installment of the Be Better Guys Body Language Basics, we’ll give a quick and dirty primer on how to tell what’s working and what’s not.

Positive Body Language Signals:  Say you’re meeting a customer for the first time and you’re a little nervous about it.  Or you’re meeting a woman for a date that you’ve only gone out with once before and you’re not sure how she feels about you.  If you see the following body language signs, keep on, soldier, you’re winning the battle:

• Squarely focused eye contact with you.  No looking just past you for a better offer in the room or averting your gaze entirely.
• Hands are open or clasped in front of the person.
• A comfortable, relaxed posture in the chair.  Not tight, ramrod straight or anxiously jumpy.
• Leaning forward into you when talking.
• The other person’s body is squarely facing you.
• Of course – plenty of smiling.

Negative Body Language Signals:  Take the scenarios from above but let’s say you’re sensing the following body language messages.  If you do get some negative signals you’ll want to change your plan of attack because what you’re doing currently ain’t flyin’:

• Won’t look at you; won’t really even acknowledge you (you’re in risk of being irrelevant!)
• Arms and hands are folded and locked down tight. 
• Legs are crossed in a non-relaxed manner and looking totally closed down.
• The other person’s body is hunched over and schlumpy OR is stiff, straight and uncomfortable.
• Body is partially turned away from you.
• Anxious repetitive leg bouncing or finger tapping on table.
• Sitting way back in the chair.   As in, trying to keep further distance from you.
• Of course – not much smiling at all.

The key is to know what the good and bad body language signs are and then have your antennae up to read them in every situation you encounter.  People frequently don’t even know they’re sending messages of disinterest or disapproval or anxiety.  They’re not consciously making the decision to be jumpy when they want to get the hell out of the room and away from you.  Conversely folks don’t consciously know they’re giving you the green light to move forward. But you know.  Because you know what to look for and now you know how to read!