Be Better Guys

Being sexy, relaxed, and fun to newly-acquainted women means being observant. Body and facial language, listening skills, and a friendly smile all play their roles. One can be at once sexual and non-threatening. The idea is to demonstrate interest without pressure. When I talk to beautiful women, it’s not because I want to date them all, or I’m keeping score, I just enjoy the banter, company, and friendship of woman to whom I am physically attractive. I already have numerous friends, so that is not an issue. Some women prefer taller men, some women prefer professional men- I’m intrigued by the endless variety of pulchritude in the world. If sex results, that’s only because the attraction is mutual. Like most anything else in life, don’t go there if it’s not fun.

Being sexy, relaxed, and fun to newly-acquainted women means being observant. Body and facial language, listening skills, and a friendly smile all play their roles. One can be at once sexual and non-threatening. The idea is to demonstrate interest without pressure. When I talk to beautiful women, it’s not because I want to date them all, or I’m keeping score, I just enjoy the banter, company, and friendship of woman to whom I am physically attractive. I already have numerous friends, so that is not an issue. Some women prefer taller men, some women prefer professional men- I’m intrigued by the endless variety of pulchritude in the world. If sex results, that’s only because the attraction is mutual. Like most anything else in life, don’t go there if it’s not fun.Your eyes should be attentive and admiring, not lecherous, geeky, or intimidated. Your stature or seated posture should be relaxed, not crowding or invasive. Speak loudly enough to be heard- too many guys who are not highly verbal have to be asked by women to “speak up”. In a loud night club, a lot of these cats would be lost.

I’m a writer, so a good deal of my flirtation deals with language. Rather than employ pickup lines per se, I make provocative comments in response to what the woman says or does, it’s more original. Say she’s talking about the traffic on the way in, I might say, “I bet if you got out of your car, you’d stop traffic.” I might not say anything like that the rest of the night.

One can flirt with more than one woman in a group, or the entire group. This is also non-threatening- no one knows who you’re most attracted to, and you’re just out enjoying yourself and their company. Make disappointed faces when members of the group say they are married, or remark how they should scoot away from the smoke alarm or they might set it off. Again, it needn’t always be about pickup, though it can lead there.

Let your voice, your manner, and the mysterious level of your interest take a woman away from the concerns of work, home or school. A sense of humor always ranks high when women are surveyed as to what makes a man most attractive. If you learn to be that quick-witted sexy guy whether a hookup is at stake or not, it will come easy when you are highly attracted to a woman.

Pulljoy (c) is Lee Coles is a dating expert who has been published in magazines such as being Single, Essence, and Today’s Black Woman, and on multiple online dating and lifestyle sites.